To Have Hope
by Khepri
Summary: Chapter 374 spoiler! "The wind, the free wind. It was what she had desired to be, wasn’t it? It was all she wanted. To be free. To... have hope. And yet... she hadn’t realized what it would cost." One-shot


**Author's Note:** Do not read if you have not read chapter 374 or if you do not want spoilers! That's my warning. Now, this story… I'm still in complete shock from Kagura's death. I re-read the chapter at least half a dozen times on Ear Tweak and only now have I finally started crying – trust me, I was bawling. This story I guess is my way of getting over it. My tribute to Kagura. Kagura and Sesshoumaru. Yeah, I apologize for errors or whatever. But I still can hardly think in a logical, concrete way.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own InuYasha. If I did, Kagura would have lived and had beautiful children with Sesshoumaru. Dammit, I'm gonna start crying again.

The wind, the free wind. It was what she had desired to be, wasn't it? It was all she wanted. To be free. To... have hope.

And yet... she hadn't realized what it would cost.

She had spent all her time longing for, praying for, the chance to be in control of herself. If she could have, she would have ended her life long ago if only to be able to be free in the same way that the wind was. It was better than having to live at the beck and call of another. It was better than knowing that you were a shade, an incarnation and then even a slave of someone you detested. That way, she could have been free even if it was only to have her essence float along on the wind.

It was what she desired, wasn't it?

Just to be free. It didn't matter what it took. She was so set on that thought that she didn't realize that she was fighting for nothing. She would have been free, but without anything to live for.

"Just one last time... I wanted to feel that I had hope."

But then she met him. He was her hope, wasn't he? He was the one that could have destroyed all that Naraku was and set her free. He was the one thing that she could have forced herself to live for.

And in the end, he was the one that she died for.

She had risked everything, showed herself as a traitor. Everything that she could have offered, Shikon shards, shouki crystals, she willingly handed them off to him. In a way, it had all gone unnoticed.

After all, Naraku was alive and she was dead.

"It's so quiet. There's no one."

As she lay dying in the field, she felt her heart breaking with in her. Hope vanished in painful constrictions. She was alone. Alone and abandoned. Was that how it was meant to be? Was she supposed to be forgotten, alone, abandoned? In the end, her spirit had been crushed. The wind had been broken.

Just as Naraku wanted.

Then... Then he came and she remembered what she had given everything up for. She remembered that she had hope. Not only did she had something to live for, but she had something to die for.

In the end, she was smiling. Smiling for her hope and maybe even what could have been.

What could have been... The thought of it was enough to allow her to smile. A true smile. A happy smile. She had never smiled that way before, but she did for him. He had been there. She hadn't been alone.

Naraku had failed, hadn't he?

Even if only for a few precious moments, she had been free and had been able to realize that she had something to live for. If only it hadn't been too late. She had told him everything and yet, somehow, she had told him nothing.

Still, just to see him again and just to see the emotion in his eyes... it had been enough.

He knew that it was her. He recognized her scent and Naraku's miasma drifting towards him. And he had still come. He knew that it was her. He came for her.

She had hope. She smiled at him, happy to know that he had been there in the end. Even though he had never said it, she knew. In her last moments, she knew exactly how he felt. They both knew. His eyes told her everything she needed to know.

"In the end..."

In the very end, she finally knew what she had been fighting for. Freedom... no. Not so much freedom as the chance to live. Perhaps in her last moments she knew that it would have been better to bide her time under Naraku's command. If nothing else... she would have been able to see him again.

She never should have met him. She should have fought on her own and not died with the same regrets. She should have died thinking that at least she had freed herself.

Instead she realized that she had been fighting for nothing. What was freedom, what was the use of going where the wind took her, if she had nothing in the end? All she had wanted was freedom and she hadn't even thought about what it would cost her. In the end, she would have rather been under Naraku's control than realize that the freedom she longed for was truly nothing.

Then, every time she saw him, she was reminded. She had hope. She had something to live for. He was her hope, her... everything. He reminded her of that. Maybe... Maybe if she had been stronger she could have pulled through. For him.

It had been to late. Maybe if he had come sooner she would have fought harder. Before her spirit was broken... maybe he would have come upon her before it was too late for Tenseiga to save her. Maybe...

Yet she held no grudges against him. When she died, she was smiling. She was happy.

"I was with you."

It was better to have loved and lost than never loved. She wouldn't have thought that before she met him. She would have killed herself without hesitation to be able to be free as the wind without remorse for what she had missed.

As she died, her smile glowed in her eyes. She wasn't sad. No, he was with her. Her hope had returned. With the last beating of her heart, she defied Naraku. She was free, she had fought for something. Naraku would die by his hand, for her. He would kill him for her. And maybe, maybe somehow, with Naraku dead, there was a chance for her. It was all hope and wishful thoughts, but that was what he had returned to her. The ability to hope.

"I am the wind. Some day, I will be free!"


End file.
